A fat man on her chest?... What?! ...Well it's a phrase I use when I'm having a bout with anxiety as in "Ugggh! I feel like I can't breath. It's like there's a fat man sitting on my chest!" or "Grrr. Get this fat man off my chest!"
Anyone who has had an anxiety attack might know what I'm talking about. I feel my chest tighten and a pressure like...well... like a fat man is sitting on my chest. As I try to describe the discomfort that's just the only thing that comes to mind. Phrases and comparisons like that help me to explain the inexplicable to my friends and family, (especially my husband who has a shockingly limited emotional vocabulary) and is an easy way for me to let those close to me know I'm struggling without getting all whiny and boo hooy.
I also find that finding an element of humor (or creating one if necessary) in the most painful times can make things just a little more bearable. I may be feeling an intense and unreasonable sense of doom but in the bit of my mind that manages to keep its sanity when all my happy switches go off I know that everything is okay. I may not be capable of feeling okay but I can treat my pain with a bit of levity to remind myself that the feelings are unfounded. It's just my brain doing what it does sometimes and it will pass.
As I'm sure you've already concluded, I suffer from a depression and anxiety disorder. I treat with medication but take a minimal dose to lessen side effects. I use a lot of self talk, prayer and exercise to make up the difference. I also write. So then it dawned on me the other day, "Maybe there are people out there who could find this stuff useful!" So here I am. I'll write about the good times and the bad, what I do right and what I do wrong. Maybe someone will benefit from my experiences but at the very least I will benefit from putting it out there. Writing truly does help me get the fat man off my chest.
