Sacrifice?

I spend a lot of time sacrificing. Most of us do. As a Christian I've been taught about sacrifice since I was a small child. Christ's ultimate sacrifice and the sacrifices we should make to follow him, giving up our time to serve others, giving up carnal desires to live a righteous life etc. Then when I became a mother I learned about sacrifice on a whole new level. I sacrificed my body to bring them into the world. I gave up my perky breasts to nurse them. And then I gave up the career I thought I wanted to stay home and be the one to teach and care for my son, then later my daughter.

Then last year things changed again. I was asked to make another sacrifice. After three years of struggling in the post recession world we felt that the right thing for our family was for my husband to go back to school and for me to work full time. I had to sacrifice time with my children to earn the money to feed and clothe us all. These were all good sacrifices; hard sacrifices, but sacrifices I was willing to make for the greater good. But then with a career came a whole new world of demand on my time and in order to "do my very best" I found myself making more sacrifices to make more money or to oblige customers. Working longer hours or taking on appointments to accommodate a bride's schedule at the sacrifice of time with my children or my already limited trips to the gym. I found quickly that work had taken over my life and that I was compromising things of greater importance. This was a problem not only in general but acutely because of my struggle with anxiety and depression.

I was frustrated. I was grumpy. I was tired. I felt out of shape and all of this made me depressed which, bottom line, made me a sub-par mother. I had to make a change. I listed my priorities and made a commitment to myself that if something didn't fall under one of three things or worse, caused me to sacrifice one of those three things it just wasn't going to happen.

My list: 1- Time with my children, and husband.
             2- My personal well-being
             3- Making money to take care of my family's NEEDS

This list became my recourse. A cousin "needed" a prom dress made. "I'm sorry. I already spend so much time at work that I just can't sacrifice more time away from my kids (without a significant financial gain)." I hate not helping but they could figure it out and the added stress of taking on the project would be a sacrifice to my personal well-being. Just not gonna happen.

A bride would prefer to come in on a Tuesday but can't come till 5:00pm. Well Tuesday is my workout day and I leave work at 4:30pm. Skipping my workouts has dire effects on my psyche. Why should I make the sacrifice when she is the one who needs my help? "I'm truly sorry but Tuesday evenings just don't work for me." And off I go to the gym. She may not prefer it but she will come in on Wednesdays.

At first I felt selfish telling all these people no, getting in my workouts and being home every evening to eat with my family and tuck my kids into bed, but I realized I was still making a sacrifice. I'm sacrificing my "need" to be everything to everyone to be what I really need to be and that is a happy, healthy and devoted mother. They are only little for such a short time. Everyone else is just going to have to figure out something else because first and foremost I am a MOM and I'm just not going to give my kids the short end of the stick. Putting my family and my health first is not always easy but changing it from a wish to a commitment has made it easier and my life is blessed for it.